Are We Still Pretending We Dress for Ourselves?

We’ve all said it at some point, right? “I dress for myself.” It’s a well-intentioned mantra—confident, defiant, feminist even. A rejection of the male gaze, societal pressure, and fashion’s revolving door of approval. But here’s the thing: do we really dress for ourselves? Or have we just gotten better at dressing for others in ways that feel like autonomy?

The Comfort Myth

The most common argument for dressing “for yourself” is comfort. But comfort isn’t just physical—it’s social too. Oversized blazers, normcore sneakers, a well-worn pair of vintage jeans… sure, they're comfy. But they’re also Instagram-safe. They're cool-comfortable, not “pajamas in public” comfortable.

If we really dressed for pure comfort, wouldn’t we be living in stretchy leggings and socks with sandals all year round?

The Mirror Isn't the Only Audience

Even when no one’s watching, we’re imagining someone who might. A crush, a coworker, our ex’s new partner stalking our stories. We say we dress for the “vibe,” the “mood,” the “aesthetic.” But vibes are curated, moods are marketable, and aesthetics often come with a silent audience in mind.

Even our “I don’t care” looks are loaded with subtext—because the truth is, we do care. And that’s not shameful. That’s human.

Style as Performance, Not Pretending

Let’s be honest: fashion has always been a performance. We wear armor when we’re nervous. We soften edges with flowy silhouettes on days we feel vulnerable. We dress with intention for dates, interviews, and even just brunch—because we know we’ll be seen. And that doesn’t cancel out self-expression. It is self-expression.